How To Use Connection In Respectful Parenting

All along, you’ve been doing respectful parenting practices. Without calling it that. You’ve acknowledged sad feelings, and thoughtfully set up the play room. You’re creating predictable routines. You offer choices and gentle guidance throughout the day.

Sometimes worrying: Did I do and say it all right today? Am I messing any part of this up?

Sometimes: I love my parenting vibes so much.

So when you doubt yourself, and you wonder if you’re doing the “scripts” and the “strategies” right?

Tune your dial back to what it’s really about: Connection. I shared two BIG ways you and I can connect with our family below. I bet you already do these, by the way. It helps to know when we’re on the right track.

Our connection is our guide. It tells us when we’re getting it right. When we’ve fulfilled both their physical needs and emotional needs. It tells us it’s okay when we’re doing it different from the neighbors.

It helps us remember that the connection (not the script or strategy!) is what creates the ease and joy in parenting. It helps our children feel understood.

If you’d like more help with using these ideas in your own family life, I offer customized virtual coaching sessions for parents all over the country. Happy to support you!

2 BIG Ways We Can Use Connection In Respectful Parenting:

Practice Being Fully Present

It helps us remember that the connection (not the perfect script!) is what creates the ease and joy in parenting. And if it gets lost for a bit? We slow down and get present. We observe more and react less. Suddenly, we know what to do.

When we're feeding, setting limits, changing a diaper, or watching our children play; take the time to be truly present. Empty your mind. Feel the weight of your baby, look into her eyes. Or notice the nuances in her play choices and body movements.

Notice what she's doing right now. There truly will never be another time quite like this.

We can remember that it’s better to give our full attention some of the time, instead of partial attention all of the time.

When we forget to be present, and this happens sometimes, we can come back to the present moment very easily. Sometimes I lightheartedly tell myself, "I'm breaking this habit of getting out my cell phone. I'm going to really savor this moment!"

Our children can sense when we’re distracted (bet you’ve noticed this).

It’s truly a practice to be with our children in a fully aware way. Of course, they truly bask in the glow of it.

Incorporate A “Wait Time” During caregiving

In the fast paced world we live in, it almost seems counterintuitive to wait on anything because “get it over with” gets the job done, ya know?

But we may also notice how we’re busy, we become less in-tune with our child’s individual needs.

Then cooperation goes down the drain.

Waiting can be such a game changer.

When we can wait for a moment, for readiness - not only does it help develop a mutual respect of one another, it also helps with cooperation during the caregiving task. Our children are able to mentally and physically prepare themselves.

The key is to avoid surprising our children, whether that’s intentional or not.

This might looks like, “I’m going to wipe your nose with this tissue. Your nose looks a little runny.” (Show the wipe, wait a moment or two, and wipe). When we're honest with ourselves, we wouldn't want anyone jumping out from behind us with a tissue. Or to pick us up quickly.

So we offer a little heads up. A moment to process and get ready.

When our child is happily playing but we need to change a diaper, or maybe sit down for a nice lunch; babies and children really do appreciate a few extra minutes to finish what they are doing.

This might sound like, “I noticed you need a diaper change, but I see you’re busy playing. I’ll give you a few more minutes to finish.... okay, it’s time to change your diaper now.”

Suddenly our children are more cooperative. We can take the time to chat. To look into one another’s eyes.

And just like that, we all feel a bit more understood. We’re more relaxed and connected.

We realize that maybe we didn’t need the script at all for the strategy to work?

If you would like more support on this, or anything else you’re struggling with, I’m here.

Ways we can connect: 

I offer Private Coaching sessions here.

Wonder Wednesdays LIVE at 10am on Instagram

A free, made for you mini-series full of rich independent play ideas. You will receive a series of emails with delightful practices here.